Reaping the Harvest

Waiting. All year I've been in a season of waiting and preparing...for what, I didn't know. I didn't know about certain relationships. I didn't know about when I was graduating, definitely didn't know about grad school. Didn't know about summer missions. I didn't like not knowing, and I told God every day that I felt about it. Obviously, He patiently spoke to me though His word and I eventually accepted the fact that I just needed to wait. Waiting is not a bad thing. If anything, it's beneficial to one's Christian walk. Waiting gives you endurance, patience, and it makes you trust in God's plan. It also makes you realize that it's not all about you. That hit me big.

Jesus waited about thirty years before he went out and did his ministry. No, he didn't sit around and do nothing, but he had to wait and prepare. How much more should we?

The season of waiting is over for me at the moment. Now life is moving so fast that I can barely think straight. In one day, I found out that I was accepted to MSU, found a roommate at MSU, and also was told where I would be placed for summer missions. It was a great day. Since then, even more things have fallen into place and I am in awe. More than that, I feel absolutely STUPID. Why did I doubt God? Why was I so impatient? Why did I act the way I did? Why was I so depressed? Did God not promise that He would provide?

So, when the next season of waiting comes, I'll remember what the Lord has done thus far. He is so good, and I do not deserve any of it. Even if I wasn't accepted, even if things had gone terribly wrong, it is for His purpose and for His glory. The good AND the bad. It's all for Him.

Mighty to Save

So I'm obsessed with Kari Jobe. I got to see her last semester do her Christmas concert and she just warms my heart. I mean let's be real, she's not married, gorgeous, talented, and her walk with the Lord is so genuine. I would trade my life with hers any day. The point is that her new album came out a few days ago, which I bought as soon as I could, and it's on repeat on my iTunes, iPod, iPhone..anything that starts with letter i. I'm sure my roommate is sick of it. One of her songs "Steady My Heart" made me cry on the spot. It's like these past few months summed up in a nutshell. I feel like I could have written that song; not that I'm talented enough to do write an incredible song, but that I felt like it was my heart Kari was singing, my story.

But it's everyone's story, is it not? At some point (or many points if you're like me), our life falls to pieces. Death, divorce, heartache, betrayal, financial burdens, sickness, addictions, adultery, abuse...the list goes on. But the Lord is healer: Jehovah-Ropha. He is our peace: Jehovah-Shalom.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"-Psalm 34:18

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

..and let us not forget the verse that was pounded into our brains at high school graduation..
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

The Lord is GOOD. And you might not truly believe that until that truth is the only truth you have left to hang on to. He is SOVEREIGN. the cliche 'everything happens for a reason'...well it's true. It remind me of the story of Joseph. He didn't deserve what his brothers did to him. All of a sudden, the life he knew was gone. The Bible doesn't tell us much about Joseph's feelings, but I bet he was heartbroken. Betrayed. Lonely. All he had was God. We know Joseph's story; kind of like Cinderella. He was used by God in miraculous ways.  Just like Joseph, it may take many sleepless nights, many tears, and a lot of time. But in the end, it's SO worth it.

I am so blessed to be on the other side. So honored to help others who are in the valley, who are broken. To teach others what God has taught you makes everything so real. The silver lining has come and God has healed, like He promised He would. It's a powerful testimony.

New Year

It's a bittersweet New Year. It's scary and uncertain, yet new and exciting. We can either embrace the change or hide ourselves in a hole and watch the world pass us by.

The Holy Spirit always finds a way to kick us outside our comfort zone. You can hold on as tight as you can, but if nothing changes, how do we have opportunities to glorify God? If we are stuck in our own little world, we become prideful. We think that we've got this under control. Life is good.

But friends, life is not good. The Bible tells us this many times. Paul writes in James, "Consider it JOY my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds." Joy? Really? Cause I want to hide under my bed and dive into some cookies&cream ice cream.  Yet it continues, "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."

I've been reading (or attempting to read) The Problem with Pain by C.S. Lewis. Basically, it all comes down to "If God loves us so much than why in the world do I have to go through this? Especially when it's not my fault!" God does not want us to settle. He wants us to grow in Him, in His knowledge and in His goodness. Many times that means that things have to change in our lives. That God has a better plan. That God has lessons for us to learn. God is a kind God, but kindness is only concerned with the happiness of others. True love required sacrificial discipline. Hebrews says, "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by the his father?" and also "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Love means Discipline. Live means Change. The Lord gives and takes away. He works all things for our good, even when we don't see it at the time. And maybe, it's not about us at all. Maybe our suffering is in preparation for someone else. Our trials enable to us to encourage others in the future going though the same thing. Trials bring us wisdom. Trials make us stronger.

I'm excited about the New Year. God gave me a beautiful reminder in worship the other night, "It was never yours, it was always mine. And it will continue to be mine." Let's just say, it was a wonderful moment in my life. I pray that you are encouraged.

In love, Nikki

Man Up

Where are all the Christian men?

Don't get me wrong, women have their problems. I could write all day about our problems. But men, to use the excuse, "it's cause I'm a guy" is a very wussy way of saying that your sin is okay. It's NOT okay. Man up and realize that porn is LUST and lust is SIN. Accept it for what it is, don't make excuses. Man up and accept the consequences. Man up and get rid of it. It hurts every kind of relationship in your life. And it also hurts your wife, fiance, girlfriend, your supposed 'one and only.'

I know that technology is getting fancier and I know that it's hard for you guys. I know you're wired like that, and that's okay, because God made you like that. I sympathize with your on-going struggle. Just don't make excuses. It's not very manly.

Change, Change, Change

I can't think of one person who actually enjoys change. Every transition in my life has always been especially tough on me. Divorce, moving, break ups. Up until now, most of the decisions in my  life were decided for me, and most of those decisions to this day I hate and would have wished for something different. But now it's my turn to control my life, and wouldn't ya know all these bad, life altering decisions has made me a little indecisive. I wonder why.

It's a good thing I'm not really in control of my life. I gave my life over to my Heavenly Father 6 years ago. That doesn't mean that I don't like to take the reins now and again. I see over and over again at various instances in my life and realize that those heartbreaking moments could have been avoided if I had completely given up control, or rather acting like I was in control. Hard lessons to learn, but it's all about sharpening knives.

But what now? I have many life changing decisions in the very near future (more like NOW), and there's no time to be indecisive. As I've said many times, I wish God would send me a letter telling me exactly what to do. If I keep this up, I'm going to be sitting on the couch watching Spongebob for the rest of my life. That's not what I want. That's not what God wants.

So what does God want? I've been seeking, asking, and knocking. All I know is what the word tells me.

Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God- 1 Corinthians 10:31
Go then and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit- Matthew 28:19

So I'm praying. And if you are my brother or sister in Christ, I could definitely using more prayers.